The storm arrived from nowhere, stifling the killing summer night. The huge pregnant drops beat a tattoo on the slates above my head, rising me from a restless sleep. The sweat, which clung to my body, was soothed by the cooling touch of the deluge. I woke her with a touch and suggested an adventure.
We walked the midnight road in only our underwear, until the scent of pine trees hung heavy in our nostrils. Unseen, unknown, we made love under the trees, while rain cloaked our naked flesh. Droplets of heaven, warmed by the summer air, baptized our union, and made us one.
She seemed to have no issue forgetting the majesty of that night. Yes, I had done wrong, yes, I had been foolish, but had I ever turned my back on her. No, not ever, well not really. One tiny slip and she threw me to the side and moved on without a second thought. Oh, she had cried, she made all the right noises, but she still left me.
Night is not my friend, sleep eludes me, dreams plague me and worry encases me. On the worst of them, I imagine all the things she is doing with men that are not me. The carefree cackles of mirth in moments of abandon. I remember every crease of her skin and imagine those folds being massaged by strange fingers, fingers belonging to another.
Tonight I was woken by thunderous rain, cascading on the roof of my flat. I rub the sleep from my eyes and the first thing I think of is her, and the night we shared. Tonight is cold and the storm is full of ice and bile. I dress quickly, inviting the sting of the storm, I deserve its wrath. I walk the streets, the rain soaking me to the skin, my destination clear. I move in and out of the halos of street lamps, until I'm standing in the alley at the back of her apartment complex.
Hours I stand there, in the driving rain, in the shadows of a wall, watching her darkened window. I imagine her smell, the smell I delighted in, as I held close to her naked back. I imagine the tickle of the water running down my face is the tickle of her hair, waking me in the middle of the night. I'd nearly exhausted the depths of my memory, when the window springs alive with light. I checked my watch and it was nearly four. FOUR!
I watch as the shadows dance a tango across the closed curtains. Entwining and separating, again and again, until at last the window goes dark. I muffle a scream by biting my arm and gazing into the falling rain. I allow the drops to pound my open eyes, washing away the tears flooding from my pain. Rage invades my veins, and every ounce of my being quakes with the need, the need for vengeance. I glare at the darkened window and imagine what they are doing, I imagine what I might do, to both of them. I wash in the evil of those thoughts until I remember, I made this happen.
Tears of sorrow and tears of pity, mix with the rain on my face as I turn for home. I look into a street light and a black and white rainbow appears. That’s my life, now and forever, colorless.