Thursday, 29 August 2013

Bat Woman

The lobby was teeming with people at eight in the evening. It was a large hotel with several restaurants and a big conference center, behind the desk, two receptionists were dealing with calls and guests.

A woman in her fifties came sprinting through the moving tide of people, cutting a swath of people much like a boat creating a bow wave. Perhaps it was her intense annoyed countenance that moved the crowds so effectively, more likely it was because she only wore a towel. Coming to a sudden halt before a receptionist attempting to check in a honeymoon couple, she slammed the desk with a clenched fist. "Excuse me, EXCUSE me" she called. Her abrupt manner got the attention of all the staff and half the guests within ear shot.
"There is a bath in my room!" she said loudly thumping the desk again with her fist.
"Yes ma'am" said the pleasant girl behind the desk. "We have baths in most of the bedrooms."

"I want it out of my room immediately, " the woman said getting louder and attracting even more attention.

"We can get you a room with a shower if you would prefer?" said the receptionist.

"Not a bath, A BAT! A great big thing with wings, you cretin," she screamed.

"I'll get the manager," said the girl rushing off in the direction of an office. The poor woman strode around the lobby in her towel scowling at anyone that dared catch her eye. She was clearly traumatized by the whole experience. "What kind of place allows bat's to go flying around?" she asked no one in particular. Soon the manager and the receptionist reappeared. For some strange reason the manager was carrying a hammer.

"Right so," he said. "Lets go see about this bat of yours."
"Its not my Bat," the woman said."I think you will find it is your bat"
"Just a figure of speech mam. I didn't intend to say he belonged to you," the hammer wielding manager said trying to pacify the near naked woman.
"Just as long as you know, I am not in the habit of going on vacation accompanied by flying rodents," she said snottily storming off in the direction of the elevators, the manager and receptionist jogging in her slipstream.

When the little ragletagle band got to the  got to the bedroom the manager opened the door with his master key. He charged in holding the hammer aloft. This guy couldn't have picked a worse implement to deal with a flying bat. Firstly, he had no chance of hitting it. Second, whatever he did manage to hit was going to be sorry. Looking around, he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. "How big was it," he asked the guest who was still standing in the hall.

"About the size of a big cat," said the woman peeking in the door.
"I cant see anything ma'am," said the manager, beginning to doubt the whole mad story, after all what bat was the size of a cat? A vampire one.
"Check the drawers,"  the woman demanded from the hall. "He was hiding in there earlier," she said, not seeming to understand how strange this all sounded.
"In the dresser?" asked the manager.
"For god sake are you a bit slow or something?"  the woman said, shouting again. "That one over there," she said pointing at the dresser by the bed.
The manager slowly pulled the drawer open, keeping as far back as he could. Just when an inch of dark interior was showing, the woman let out a blood curdling scream. The manager nearly jumped out of his skin, swinging the hammer wildly. He connected with the bedside phone smashing it into a dozen bits. The receptionist took off down the hall screaming and beating the air around her head. The barely covered woman stood howling in the middle of the hall like some demented werewolf.

"Kill it, Kill it for god sake!" she screamed, pointing to a spot near the smashed phone, which was completely empty.
"What?" said the manager holding his chest and panting like a marathon runner.
"On the dresser you moron," she yelled rustling her hair with wild hands.
"No need for that," said the manager feeling hurt.
"Quick he is going back into the drawer," the woman shouted, pointing again.The manager slammed the drawer shut, trapping the non-existent bat inside. With the demented woman doing pirouettes in the hall, he had time to look around the room. The manager noticed dozens of pill bottles on the table. He picked up one  and read the label. "May cause hallucinations," was twice the size of all the rest of the words, in big red letters.

All the commotion had emptied nearby bedrooms, guests gathered trying to figure out what the hell was going on. "I think the best thing to do ma'am is to leave him trapped in the locker and take the whole thing out," said the manager hoisting the bedside locker into his arms.
"Yes, the first sensible thing you've said." she sneered at him. "Where did you do your training, MacDonalds?"The poor manager wrestled the dresser out the door still holding the hammer in one hand when the woman called after him. "You should be ashamed to call this a hotel, I will be expecting my bill to be reduced for the inconvenience." The woman stormed into the room in a flap of  tiny white towel slamming the bedroom door closed. One of the gathered guests asked, "Is everything okay in there?"

"All fine," he said with a long suffering smile. "As long as no Pink Elephants turn up."


Lady Butterfly said...

LOL. Very cute!

squid mc finnigan said...

Just for a giggle.

Ben Roach said...

Great stuff, Squid. Very funny. Slight typo with the 'bill bottles' just thought I'd let you know.

squid mc finnigan said...

Thanks so much Ben. I missed that every time I read it. It was quiet fun to write, so glad you liked it.

Glendon Perkins said...

Lol, I admit to not being prepared for the pills. Nice twist at the end with the pink elephant.

squid mc finnigan said...

I know you're not going to believe this but all this happened more or less word for word, the world is way more twisted than fiction if you ask me